Page 34 - Masala Lite Issue 156 December 2023

36 MUSINGS OF AN AUNTY WHO’S DISCOVERED ANGER IS COSTLY

Never Walk into Makeup Aisles Miffed!

Dolly Koghar analyses the concept of retail therapy.

Maelly Kitthmaas…ho ho with instinct to ‘kill’ motta murga, literally, a fat
ho! This year, the season chicken, but the same as the phrase “sitting duck”
of cheer in our hot, hotter, in English. Two saleswomen from a brand I won’t
and hottest Bangkok was mention, swooped in on me and grabbed me by the
fast-forwarded to as early arm and made me sit on a fancy, cushy, highchair,
as October with the malls and started overloading me firstly with how nice
and department stores on our I still looked (they know flattery works amazingly
hep-and-happening Sukhumvit well to open your ears and wallet); and secondly,
already putting-up Xmas trees, by testing their wares first on my hands and then,
one more hideous than the next, very subtly, my face. I succumbed to the niceties
to lure unwary shoppers towards the and thought a little pampering would make me feel enticed him on to another
tried-and-tested ‘retail therapy.’ At least less guilty for always being on the screaming end. It cushy chair with, “Mitter, mai pen raai, come sit down,
it’s a faster and less guilt-ridden ‘high’ than the wares also felt nice being mean and selfish for once to that while you are waiting for your beautiful madame,”
of the burgeoning cannabis joints! someone I didn’t want to talk to, since something and, “you are so rich and so kind!” Ignoring his
called communication didn’t exist in his, or perhaps, adamant refusal, they grasped both of his hands and
I’d dismissed the phrase ‘retail therapy’ as just a all men’s vocabulary. So, I was pretty happy getting started manicuring and buffing his nails, something
fancy tag coined by shopping addicts till that fateful pretty, and that too for free, or so I thought! he’s “too manly” for. By now, the marketing strategy
morning when me and hubby dear, who at that was slowly but surely starting to work, with so many
moment was not even remotely dear, walked into I’ve mentioned often enough that I don’t get many mouths saying so very many things and in rapid-
Siam Paragon, after yet another one-way fight we’d invites (hint, hint), so I’ve mostly sufficed with my fire succession, and when they caught the whiff of
just had. A quarrel is supposed to be a two-way street cheap and tested retinue of almond oil and coconut my weakening resolve, they quickly plied on to me
of screaming/discussion/retorts, but hubby (not dear) oil, and magical drops from the Ayurvedic centre in freebies, which rendered me even more susceptible,
always stays cucumber-cool, which isn’t funny; it’s Mysore, where we’d love to visit more often than after which they tempted me into yet another pricey
infuriating. But then again, it’s for the best, ‘cause we already do to fine-tune and reboot our systems. product with a jingle that never fails: “it’s specially
there’s nothing he’ll say that’ll make sense (to me)! Then, of course, there’s my indispensable Vicco discounted for you!” All with the added allure of yet
turmeric cream whose antiseptic properties didn’t more freebies, and so on and so forth!
So, in this stormy mood, I marched on ahead of stall wrinkles; and neither did Fair & Lovely make me
him and straight into a trap that would teach me a a dot fairer, or lovelier! I succumbed to the ‘therapy’, though, as always, I’d
true-blue lesson on retail therapy. So here, I’d like lay the blame fully on hubby dear for my shot mood
to add important advice on to the maxim, “never go Anyway, back to the velvet chair where the whole but I guess I did look better, since my granddaughter
to the supermarket when hungry.” I’d add, “never staff was creeping up to me and bombarding me with visiting from London did notice an improvement. So,
go to beauty product aisles when you are in a pissy both products and flattery. Nevertheless, to succeed, the verdict on retail therapy is, it does work, although
mood,” – exactly what I did, unwittingly, blinded by they needed to hold back hubby (getting dearer) from I landed up spending what I would on the doctor if I
fury. The staff manning those counters are vultures, getting bored. So, two younger saleswomen expertly was on my last breath!

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