Page 36 - Masala Lite Issue 164 August 2024

• “Mum did her best, not knowing any better. I’d been a good girl, but I had fun
encouraging my kids, and now my grandkids, to be naughty.”
• “Given the circumstances, I saw the sacrifices she made, although she shouldn’t
have gotten me engaged so early. I was scared I wouldn’t be a good mum, but
luckily, my kids are saints.”
• “I understood, then, that mother’s hearts beat for their children. Although it’s
like telling water not to be wet, mums will always worry about what kids do,
and with whom. However, I’m letting my boys learn from their own mistakes,
as much as I’m learning from them.”

• “Mum was fun; she sang, played, and told us stories; cooked our favourite dishes;
and loved us girls and boys equally and didn’t shout or hit, not even to the one
child that was difficult. Sadly, circumstances didn’t permit my kids the easy and
MOTHERS relaxed childhood I had.”

• “When I became a mother, I saw the different facets of motherhood: the
Dolly Koghar gives her generation’s and Gen X’s profound love; the overwhelming desire to protect emotionally and physically,
while maintaining an open and supportive relationship; the desire to instil a
perspective on appreciating our mummies. religious foundation and provide opportunities for education. I was anxious my
kids might be rebellious like I was.”
When we became bio-mums, we experienced firsthand our mothers’ nine months of
discomfort with a disproportioned body and out-of-whack hormones, ending with • “I quarrelled with mum ‘cause I thought she never understood me and loved
that excruciating pain to bring us into this world. Ever after, the one title that would others more; but I guess she knew which child needed more attention.”
overshadow all other titles, however prestigious, would be that of ‘mum,’ despite
• “I understood why she was the way she was. If only I could go back in time to
the years she went through agonising about whether or not she was doing things
give my father a ‘thank you’ hug for doing so much. On my part, I nervously
right or anywhere near enough for us. So, here we are, Gen X and Baby Boomers mas,
expected my kids to do their fair share of being kids and teens!”
reminiscing about our own mamas’ parenting, and sharing the apprehension we had
of our own offspring troubling us as much as we did our own mums. But we also • “I took it for granted that I would remain the centre of my children’s lives; but
recognise the wisdom in this anonymous quote that goes, “Giving grace to yourself what folly. I guess what goes around, comes around. At my age, my mum must
is never more important than when you become a mother.” have felt as lonely and redundant, dealing with ‘hurt’ and ‘rejection,’ as I do.”
• “Mother was authoritarian, and dad was super chilled. I see her through the • “Mum brought me up like a fragile vase on a bumpy ride; a balloon in a room of
cracks in my parenting, but also in the love I give. However, while allowing my needles. As the only sister of three brothers, I was pampered but given ‘tough
children the space and logical clarifications they demand, I encourage them to love;’ kept on a watchful and tight leash; the hand that lifted me when I fell,
express emotions and am open to discussions including on taboo issues.” also forced me to stay in line. She was strict, but fair; strong willed with a soft
heart. I emulate her in my parenting, and am unable to let go of her harsher
• “She remained who I saw from my earliest days, raising her four children in harsh
circumstances. Today, my son, too, sees me for who I am, but isn’t as naughty norms. My kids are as obedient as I was.”
as I was!” • “As a first-time parent, I was in a state of unreal euphoria and found any external
opinion and suggestion annoying, but soon realised that “it takes a village to
• “Mum’s health didn’t allow her to spend long periods with us, but she was caring
and supportive.” raise a child.” My mother’s infuriating tirade of words during my childhood soon
translated to profound perception. I’d hoped to be a ‘cool’ mum with an open
• “Grandmum’s strict and overprotective upbringing won me well-behaved girl relationship with my kids, but funnily enough, I’ve often caught them sneaking
awards, but I changed that parenting style with my own girls.” out behind my back!”

MASAL A LITE ISSUE 164 - AUGUST 2024