Page 28 - Masala Lite Issue 165 September 2024

28 MUSINGS OF A LONGTIME-MARRIED AUNTY

Much Ado About Nothing

Dolly Koghar muses on why we Indians last lifetimes as a couple.

A wedding is a huge deal in any culture, but we and their sambandhis, or on the wedding eve at
Indians take it to another level; ours is multi-layered the dulha’s place to adorn him with a flower veil or
and super complicated. It’s hardly about the boy sehra-bandhi. The pakora might even appear in the
and the girl, they’re more or less just pawns in a following day’s spread in the Gurudwara after the
supposedly made-in-heaven match. In reality, it’s laavas, the four rounds the two take around the Guru
to unite two households, which extends to half a Granth Sahib Ji, uniting them in holy matrimony.
town on either side; the sambandhis. Amongst them
there’ll inevitably be those that thrive on adding After which, the dulhan heads home, followed closely
much ado and fuss to an already crazy line-up of by the dulha and his siblings and friends, where
Back in my childhood days, parties were a rarity; but functions. Subsequently, there’s no wedding that they’re welcomed and fed, but also have pranks
we Punjabis knew – and presumably still do – how doesn’t have its fair share of bruised egos and ruffled played on them, while she gets out of her morning
to celebrate with gusto, even without frivolities. feathers. outfit and waits for the groom’s male relatives
Since life was centered around Phahurat and the to bring her jewellery and a shimmering new
Gurudwara, all the festivities and milestones, even for But weddings were and are impossible regalia, in a different shade of red from her
folks living in Sukhumvit or in Fang Thon (on Thonburi without the multiple perspectives to wedding outfit. Then it’s doli time, a tearful
side), meant dressing up just to go mattha-taek Babaji bring about a semblance of control during sendoff of their beloved daughter to her new
and maybe do a langar, which always turned into a the many traditional rituals. There’s also home where his family and relatives await
come-one-come-all party for anyone at the premises. advice needed on the finances: the to welcome her at the doorway. But to
dowry negotiations; the appropriate cross the threshold into her new identity
Actual parties were rare and far between, but a ornaments; and the stuff to be gifted and new life, there’s a procedure she’ll
wedding definitely warranted a celebration, although to the dulha and his immediate have to enact with her sassu-ma, the
back then, they were still more or less at-home affairs family, with preference to his ma, boss! But wait, there are additional
with the neighbours and relatives pitching both in and then in descending order to her rituals awaiting her inside the house;
the preparatory stages, and as part and parcel of the ma and her sassu-ma. There’s also fun-filled games between her and the
celebrations. The ‘event planner’ would be one of the the Gurudwara formalities and the man she barely knows, and will now
community’s know-it-all masi-jis, not mum’s real sis, wedding itself to be planned out. spend a lifetime with.
but a preferred Punjabi moniker to “Aunty-ji.” The dos
and don’ts of our weddings are more than aplenty, But central to us ‘Punjus,’ whether in joy All of the above isn’t even a tip of the iceberg
and impossible for one head to wrap around; so, or bereavement, is food. So, of utmost importance of our wedding formalities, and I’m talking about
joining her to give wanted and unwanted, conflicting, is threshing out the menus for the many functions the ones without the frills of present-day marriage.
hit-and miss advice, was the matchmaker masi-ji, and to satisfy our unsatiable palates and yet not be So, it should come as no surprise why we last as
also the bloodline aunts, the bhua-jis, actual masi-jis repetitive. Although, of course, pakoras, the unfussy- couples over a lifetime – it’s not because we get along
and of course, the mas of the pair; not to mention the looking gram flour fritters, are a compulsory staple, like a house on fire, but because going through the
“been-there, done that” nani-jis and dadi-jis of both whether in the fun-filled henna or mehendi pre- incomprehensible rigmarole once is already once too
sides. wedding function, enjoyed separately by the couple much!

MASAL A LITE ISSUE 165 - SEPTEMBER 2024