Page 19 - Masala Lite Issue 162 June 2024

I also had to remind myself when talking to family or friends who were trying to • “I just got my life back with my toddler becoming more independent. Is it a sin
convince me to have children, that their hearts and intentions are pure. I had to to want to resume many of the aspects of myself I put on hold for the past few
remind myself that in their perception, they want me to be happy, and for them years? I am also a human who wants to breathe new life into my friendships,
this equates to being a mother. I had to remind myself that they didn’t understand work on my hobbies, and possibly even look for some part-time work. It would
my happiness, as they were placing their experience and their life onto me, and that be easier to voice this openly if people didn’t make you feel so guilty for putting
this is human nature. yourself first over a hypothetical situation of siblinghood for your child.”

With society’s general perception that having a child equates to happiness, I had • “It’s important to remember that anyone who makes the decision of having no
to accept that I may not fit into this picture, but that didn’t mean that I was not children or having one child may still debate this decision internally. They can
successful or happy. I remind myself of what success and happiness means to me, still doubt their choice, revisit it, and question it. As a third person, questioning
and focus on that. If I’m not able to get into that mindset, having good friends and a couple constantly can sometimes sway them a certain way that is not right
my sister to vent to helps a lot! for them, or cause guilt for something that they know is right for them.”

I know my life is full. I am content with the love I give and receive to my nieces,
nephews, friends’ children, and my students (all of who have been my kids at one
point in time). I focus on how I’m able to impact their lives. I don’t need a child of THE TAKEAWAY
my own to love a child, or have the love of a child.
An uncompromising part of being part of the Thai-Indian community is facing
deeply personal questions during casual conversation – in any stage of life. All
too often, we have very little control over any of it, so the best we can do is put
ourselves out there, put the work in to achieve our goals and dreams, and hope
HEARD WITHIN THE THAI-INDIAN COMMUNITY
for the best. When we do this, our desires do not diminish and they continue to
be valid and deserving; your questions simply highlight what we don’t have, and
• “Having one child is not ideal, but having at least one is a necessity.” force us to defend ourselves. Our desires, whatever they may be, whether it is to
have one child or no children or ten children, are deserving of your support, even
• “Many take the plunge because of two coinciding factors: a fear of feeling if you don’t agree with them. And if you don’t agree with them, in the nicest way
hypothetical regret (which some members can attest to), heightened by increasing possible, our desires are also deserving of your silence.
age.”
• “It’s true what they say. Motherhood is the best teacher, and you do fall in love
with your child.”
• “We are so conditioned to think that when we are ready for family planning, it’s
zero or two kids – there is no in between and no beyond. We are so trained to think
that having one child is punishing the child, and that it’s better to not have any
at all. Yet, we don’t realise that we also harass those that decide not to have any
children.”
• “A few people are forced to have only one child because of a biological necessity,
or according to medical advice. Not all, but a few. Can we not grant all women this
grace, just in case they are going through something devastating or have to give
up on their own wishes to expand their family, so that they don’t have to expose
this knowledge to the world?”