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ETIQUETTE

DEAR
Aunty D

DANCE MONKEY
Dear Aunty D,
My wedding is just around the corner! After months of saving, booking and planning,
all of the hard work our families have put in will finally pay off. However, there’s been a Don’t
snag in our plans. My future brother-in-law is a semi-famous Bollywood dancer. We’ve all
been anticipating his (presumably) extraordinary sangeet dance. However, he is suddenly
insisting that if we don’t pay him, it will devalue his work and hurt his career. My husband
wants to pay him to avoid drama but, frankly, I want to remove him from our wedding compromise
altogether. Is it time to take his name off the guest list or whip out the chequebook?
your heart

Dear Dance Monkey
Put this in your head and never, ever forget
that it is always the relatives, the closer, the health!
more likely, to put a wrench into a running
wheel and create drama and hungama at
every family do. Since the dancing dewarji
(brother-in-law) stabbed you in the back, Regular heart check-ups are recommended
pierce him with a thorn that stays! Invite him
as a BIL. Meanwhile, hire a better performer to help prevent heart disease.
than him. Instruct the photographers to
shoot the guests enjoying the performances
as well as the tragedy at the bar counter of
our nikamma (useless) hero moping!
We especially You should also
recommend you have your heart
WRONG SIDE OF THE BED
Dear Aunty D, have your heart checked if you
I run a small bed and breakfast. It’s been a quiet couple of months, so we decided to
invite my young nephew over for a long weekend, giving his parents alone time. All checked if you: experience:
was well up until the second evening, whereupon my nephew stole the matches I use
to light my scented candles, and somehow managed to set his bed on fire. My nephew
was unscathed but the mattress was totally ruined! However, his parents are refusing Are overweight Tightness in the chest
to pay for the damages! I am now unable to use the room for guests and the stink of with jaw and shoulder
burnt plastic is making me feel sick. I know it’s going to badly impact our relationship pain, and shortness
but should I now pursue legal channels to get my money back? of breath
Are a smoker
Heart palpitations
Dear Wrong Side of the Bed, Have high cholesterol
Now, you know better. Never mix relatives
with business. Besides the mattress, your Dizziness and fainting
relationship is already up in smoke, so the Have high blood pressure
cheapest way to get him or his parents
to take responsibility is to bring public Have a family history of
attention to his misconduct. Put the saga coronary artery disease
on social media. Then, sit back and watch
them receive the cussing out they are due! Simply want to have
a heart check-up Scan the QR code
to view our heart
check-up programs

CHEAP, NOT CHEERFUL
Dear Aunty D,
I am the owner of a small Indian restaurant. As our soi gentrified, we were advised to
revamp our restaurant from modest to upmarket. We’ve turned it into a glamorous
venue and, by the same token, our prices have also gone up. Unfortunately, one of our
old regulars (a distant aunt) refuses to pay these new prices. In the past, we were more
than willing to put up with her thrifty shenanigans, but it’s damaging our aesthetic, and For more information
our wallets. We spent a lot of money to revamp our restaurant and the extra cash goes or to schedule an appointment,
towards these renovations. My wife wants to ban this frugal ‘customer’ but I already feel please contact us at:
guilty just thinking about it. Please help! 02 011 2222 or 02 011 3491
Dear Cheap, Not Cheerful,
If you look at it from a sunnier perspective,
she’s proof that your food is worth coming Heart (Cardiology) Center
back for again and again. Unfortunately, Bumrungrad International Clinic
she’s taken it for granted that she’s an aunt, (BIC) Building, 14 th
however distant, and that she’s welcome
to drop by your place anytime for a casual
cuppa. So, the next time she plunks herself
on your new fancy chair, take her orders
with a poker face. Then watch her jaw drop
when she’s served micro-meagre portions
of her favourite savouries, all in one small
dessert plate, with the customary masala
chai, but aadhaa (halved)!

Have an etiquette question? Send your dilemmas to
shruti@masalathai.com. Write “Dear Aunty D” in the subject line.

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